Sunday, January 25, 2015

Gloom, despair and agony on me......ohhhhhhhhhh

Deep dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Gloom, despair and agony on meeeeeee!
Remember what that's from??
This has been my attitude for months now. Months! I go through my bad moments, we all do. But I've been in this black depression for months that I can't shake. This is unusual for me. I have my poor pitiful me moments, but I get over it quick. These days I'm feeling particarly ....... Useless, pointless, of no good for anything, like all I touch turns to crap.  I'm tired of friends who are only friends when they want something from me. Too much has changed in the last 5-7 years and not all of it feels for the best. Maybe I feel things too deeply. But I'll never show it. Maybe that's part of the problem.
I dunno. All I do know is that functioning day to day is becoming a major struggle. I don't sleep or I sleep too much. I've lost joy in anything in my life. Just go through the motions, no thinking, no happiness. I can fake it, I've always been ablet to hide what's going on in my head from others.
I have an appointment with my doc on Feb 2. Something's got to give. I can't be this person. This isn't living.

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